Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
