Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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