so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
