Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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