there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
