I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
