Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
