drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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