You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
