Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
