nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
either way he was missing a nipple.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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