Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
