Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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