Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
