I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
