Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
