i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
What a dumb baby whore.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
