im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
