names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
