If i come over, it means nothing
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
