how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
