Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Bring me that man meat
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
