you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
