I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
