So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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