seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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