My room smells like vodka and shame
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
where are my eyebrows?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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