Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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