party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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