My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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