the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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