My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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