and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
