Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
