She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my being single is dangerous.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
