the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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