Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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