i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
