stop calling my apartment porn island.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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