I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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