Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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