The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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