I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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