Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
