she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You are the jesus of drinking
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
