Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
