Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
