Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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