ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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