I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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