Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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