I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
